Rejection: A Rite of Passage

It doesn’t matter how many times you hear someone tell you to expect something, it doesn’t usually make that thing any easier.

I knew my journey to publishing my novel would be littered with rejection . . . rejection from literary agents, acquisition editors, publications I submit to, etc. I knew this because I’d read about it in every book on writing, in every podcast on publishing, and in every online teaching video I watched about the journey to becoming an author.

The reality was loud and clear in my head. But when it actually happened, it still hit me with a great force.

It’s like when everybody and their mother told me to expect months of sleep deprivation when my first child was born. I knew to expect the collision in my head, but it wasn’t enough to prepare me for the bumps and bruises (and scars 😂) once it actually happened.  

This doesn’t make the warning useless or unhelpful. It certainly is helpful to know what might lie along the dark road you’re about to journey through. But the warnings don’t always help you cope, find peace, or continue forward.

I’m only a few months into the journey of trying to get my book published by a traditional publisher. Before this, I’d already received rejections from a couple literary agents and even one editor from a publishing house. Recently, I received another rejection.

Each one is another disappointment. But you know what they’re not?

A failure.

This is easy for me to say, but not as easy to believe. I have to remind myself (and the people around me graciously remind me as well) that rejection is not failure. I tell this to the writers around me all the time, but it’s always harder to believe it for yourself, isn’t it?

Most recently, I co-hosted a writer’s retreat in Nashville. During a Q&A panel on publishing, I shared about the myriad of advice they’d likely receive on their own writing journey. The main thing I wanted them to know was to take every piece of advice they receive with a grain of salt. 

Every journey will look different. Some will experience more rejection than others. Some will find their version of success by taking a more “traditional” approach, while others will defy all odds and publish in ways that make others roll their eyes because of their “luck.”

There is more than one way to reach the top (if “the top” even exists), and just because you receive a rejection from one person or one publisher or one content director or whomever, doesn’t mean the door is shut for good. Or if it is shut for good, perhaps it was so that you could be available for another opportunity that is about to knock on your door.

Rejection is not failure, it’s a rite of passage.

We’ll all walk it and you know what? I wholeheartedly believe we’re all better for it.

When you shift your perspective, rejection can do a few really good things:

• Humble us

  Our work/art/leadership is not perfect and receiving a rejection reminds us of that. It reminds us that we can’t accomplish much on our own and that there are endless people around us who know more than we do and who might be generous with their wisdom if we ask.

• Pinpoint problem areas

  How can we know what areas of our work need work if we don’t experience rejection? Often times, rejection shows us exactly what we need to work on and where we need to grow.

• Create endurance

  This might sound counterintuitive . . . many people want to give up when they experience rejection because rejection affirms their insecurities. But if you would shift your perspective, rejection can actually create endurance. Receive it with humility, let it help you pinpoint where you need to grow, and then get back to work reminding yourself that your call is to faithfulness, not success.

I doubt any of us will ever receive rejection with joy. There probably won’t come a day when you’re throwing confetti into the air or popping champagne because someone rejected your work. But what we can do is continuously remind ourselves—and each other—that we’re not failures because we were rejected.

We’re simply walking a similar path that every other faithful artisan walked before us.